OutofTheInBox

Happy birthday Barbie

Not a day over 49: It's time to get together and sing "Happy Birthday" to Barbie. And you can find party ideas here.

That dog spells trouble

Your dog is eating a dictionary?

Take the words right out of his mouth!

The blonde sage

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

What do they call it?

What do they call a blonde who works as hard as a man?

 

Lazy.

How big is the stone?

A widow held a lavish memorial luncheon for her husband a month after his death. One of her friends asked if she could afford such a feast for so many people. The widow said, “He had a special insurance policy just to provide for arrangements: $10,000 for the memorial event, $10,000 for the funeral, and $80,000 for the stone.”

The friend replied: “$80,000 for the stone? How big is it?”

“Oh,” the widow said, “Just over four carats.”

Big words, full of meaning

a blonde joke about a smart blonde student:

On the first day of school, the teacher asked the young blonde student what her father did. She said her daddy was a doctor and that he had rushed to the hospital that morning to perform an appendectomy.

“My," said the teacher, “that sure is a big word. Do you know what it means?"

“Sure do! Fifteen-hundred bucks, and that doesn't include the anesthesiologist!"

Smart blonde, puzzled police officer

Blonde joke, smart blonde

A blonde driver is pulled over by a patrol car. The officer approached the driver’s door.

“Is there a problem, officer?”

“You were speeding. Can I see your license please?”

“I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”

“You don’t have one?”

“I lost it four times for drink driving.”

“I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“I stole this car.”

“Stole it?”

The blonde says, “Yes, and I killed the owner.”

At this point the officer is getting stressed. “You what?”

“The body is in the trunk. You can look if you want.”

The officer slowly backs away and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approached the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

The senior officer said, “Could you step out of your vehicle please!”

The blonde stepped out of the vehicle. “Is there a problem, officer?”

The officer responded, “Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?”

The blonde opened the trunk, which was empty.

The officer said, “Is this your car sir?”

The blonde said, “Yes,” and handed over the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned.

“One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.”

The blonde handed a license to the officer.

The officer examined the license. He looked quite puzzled. “Thank you. One of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner.”

The blonde replied, “I bet you that liar told you I was speeding, too!”

Smart blonde saying

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

When Irish blondes are smiling

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Remember the Johnson twins?

Here's another joke in honor of the old country:

A Texan rancher comes to Ireland and meets a fair-haired Kerry farmer.
The Texan says : "Takes me a whole day to drive from one side of my ranch to the other."
The Kerry farmer says: "Ah sure, I know, sir. We have tractors like that over here, too."

A roll of the dice

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps table. An attractive blonde from Alabama arrived and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."  With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice, and yelled, "Come on, baby, Southern Girl needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped and screamed, "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She hugged each dealer, picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed. 

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one asked, "What did she roll?"  The other answered, "I don't know, I thought you were watching."

Moral: Not all Southerners are stupid.  Not all blondes are dumb.  But all men.....are men.