OutofTheInBox

The traffic stop

A husband is driving with his blonde wife, and going a little too fast. A police car pulls them over.
Officer: "You were going 70 in a 55 zone."
Driver: "No, officer, I was going 55."
Officer: "I clocked you going 70. I have it right here."
Driver: "I'm sorry, officer. I'm sure I was traveling at 55."
Officer, growing exasperated: "Ma'am, you must have noticed what was happening. Was your husband really driving 55?"
Blonde: "Officer, I agree with my husband. I know by now never to argue with him when he's been drinking."

The blonde officer

A blonde police officer stops a driver and asks to see her license.

Officer: “It says here that you should be wearing glasses when driving.”

Driver: “Well, I have contacts.”

Officer: “Lady, I don't care who you know, you’re still going to get a ticket.”

Smart blonde, puzzled police officer

Blonde joke, smart blonde

A blonde driver is pulled over by a patrol car. The officer approached the driver’s door.

“Is there a problem, officer?”

“You were speeding. Can I see your license please?”

“I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”

“You don’t have one?”

“I lost it four times for drink driving.”

“I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“I stole this car.”

“Stole it?”

The blonde says, “Yes, and I killed the owner.”

At this point the officer is getting stressed. “You what?”

“The body is in the trunk. You can look if you want.”

The officer slowly backs away and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approached the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

The senior officer said, “Could you step out of your vehicle please!”

The blonde stepped out of the vehicle. “Is there a problem, officer?”

The officer responded, “Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?”

The blonde opened the trunk, which was empty.

The officer said, “Is this your car sir?”

The blonde said, “Yes,” and handed over the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned.

“One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.”

The blonde handed a license to the officer.

The officer examined the license. He looked quite puzzled. “Thank you. One of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner.”

The blonde replied, “I bet you that liar told you I was speeding, too!”

A chimp at the zoo

A blonde found a chimpanzee in the park and asked a policeman, “What should I do with it?”
The policeman said, “Take it to the zoo.”
The next day the policeman saw the blonde again, and she still had the chimpanzee with her.  “Why didn't you take that chimp to the zoo?” the policeman asked.
The blonde replied: “I did.  And today I'm taking it to the movies.”

Rain, prayer and a question

It is pouring rain, and the rising river begins to threaten a group of private homes, including that of a very religious blonde.

With water coming into the ground floor, a police rowboat comes by, and the officer shouts, "Let us take you to a shelter! The water level is getting dangerous."

The woman replies, "No thank you, I trust in the Almighty, and I am confident he will deliver me."

Three hours go by, and the intense rain has forced the woman to the second floor. A second police rowboat comes by, and the officer shouts, "Let us take you to safety! The water level is getting dangerous."

The woman replies, "No thank you, I trust in the Almighty, and I am confident he will deliver me."

The rain does not stop, and the woman is forced up onto the roof. A police helicopter flies over, and the officer shouts down, "Grab the rope and we'll pull you up! You're in terrible danger!"

The woman replies, "No thank you, I trust in the Almighty, and I am confident he will deliver me."

The deluge continues, and the woman is swept off the roof. Carried away in the current, she drowns. At the Pearly Gates, she is admitted, and comes before the Divine Presence.

"Dear Lord,” she says, “I don't understand. I've been a righteous observant person my whole life, and depended on you to save me in my hour of need. Where were you?"

And this was the answer: "I sent two boats and a helicopter. What more did you want?"

                                     ---   ---   ---   ---

Another story about a police officer and a blonde.

By the side of the road

A man driving with his blonde wife is pulled over by a patrol car. Here’s the conversation:

Driver: “What's the problem officer?’’
Officer: “You were going 75 in a 55 mile an hour zone. I'll have to give you a ticket.”

Driver: “No sir, I was going a little over 60.”
Wife: “Oh, You were going at least 80!”

Officer: “I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.”
Driver: “Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!”
Wife: “Oh, you've known about that tail light for weeks! Remember, you kept saying you were going to get it fixed.”
Officer: “I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.”
Driver: “Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.”
Wife: “You never wear your seat belt!”
Driver: "For crying out loud, can't you just be quiet?"
Officer, to the wife: “Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?”
Wife: “No officer, only when he's been drinking.”

Days or dollars?

A judge just found a blonde guilty for speeding and said, “What do you want -- 8 days or $80?”

The blonde replied, “I'd like the money, your honor. Thank you.”

----  ----  -----
Another judge, another blonde joke.

Snarled traffic

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. She eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up.

It was not very long before a police car arrives.

The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde yelling, "What is going on here?"

"My car broke down, officer," says the woman, calmly.

"Well, what are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the officer.

"Oh,” she replied, “those are my emergency flashers!"

---hat tip, Heather!

Brain power

Three women go to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed, though none can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens.

The jailers immediately prostrate themselves, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words: “I am from the School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.

Again, they prostrate themselves, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “I just graduated from the University of Alabama with a degree in electrical engineering, and I’ll tell you right now, you ain’t going to electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”

The call center

Transcript, police emergency center

9:01 PM

 “Someone broke into my car. They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator."

9:04 PM

Same caller. "Never mind. I got in the back seat by mistake."