Better and Better

Here’s how you know your broken arm is getting better:

1. You can hold up your hand mirror to see the back of your head. You need two hands to check out your hair. It does no good to see the cowlick has bounced open if you can’t get a hand up to push the hair around to cover it up.

2. You can put on your earrings that have the wire backing.  One hand pushes the wire into the hole in your ear while the other slides on the teeny clasp.  No more clip earrings (left over from long bygone days.)

3. You can raise your arms enough to put the bra on backwards.  Men, stop reading now – this is a lady secret.  A friend told me she can’t get her hands up to the small of her back, and didn’t you know you put it on backwards?  The hooks and eyes at the front where you can clip them and then you swing it around until now the cups are in the front.  I didn’t know that!  But still, one needs flexibility to hook the damn thing and then slide the arms through the shoulder straps.  OK men, you can start reading again.

4. You can put on a heavy jacket with no help.  Remember, the bum arm goes in first so the good arm can swing it around into place for the rest of the putting on.  Shirts?  Tee shirts are best for easy removal. Don’t try to cross your arms and pull up.  You are frozen with your arms across your body.  No, grab the back neck of the shirt and tug it over your head, then slide it down the arms.  Or if removing a blouse or jacket, the good arm comes out first.  Hey, this is almost like Show & Tell.  With the right music, a strip-tease.

5. No more sling.  I’m scheduled for Physical Therapy next week, so I’m preparing by pushing a little further than the arm is comfortable with.  They tell me that’s what PT is all about – Pain.  Yikes, I can hardly wait.

6. I CAN DRIVE!  Beep beep, here I come!  Well, backing out from a slot in the parking lot and turning the car 45* to face forward, means Pull Pull Pull.  Don’t rush me.  I can do it.  Driving again.  Aaaaahhh.  I spent Sunday going from store to store to pick up single items long needed, but hard to assign especially since I am so brand conscious.  I went into TJ Maxx just for the hell-of-it, and expected that everyone would stop in their tracks and holler, Welcome back!  Well, I missed the great Christmas sales all over town (75% off!) so I had to do a little catching up.

7. Finally, you feel normal again.  Back on the job. Even though there are limits to the movements, there is enough flexibility to get through the day.  After all, it was just a broken arm.

-- Florence

Comments

[Birgitta]

Dear Florence,
I am very happy you are making progress! Every little step makes your life less complicated. The things that helped me the most, after I broke my shoulder in 3 places, was going to Gordon for physical therapy and swimming, especially doing the backstroke. Be very careful driving, you don't have the strength to do any sudden turns of the steering wheel if needed!
Birgitta

[Peter Byrne]

Florence: I think it's the moment for you to look for inspiration in religion. Try Hinduism. Kali is the goddess of eternal energy. You don't need any tips from her in that. She was also Shiva's girlfriend and is often depicted (see Kali in Wikepedia) with her feet firmly planted in his belly. Ignore that bit of foreplay. But the big deal is that she has four arms--an example for us all. It's a Tornado when she whips off her t-shirt. Off course she wastes a lot of time beforehand drilling armholes. But nobody can have everything, even in Indian heaven.

[Donald Gerson]

I had a rotator cuff operation awhle ago. I have followed all your steps, but I still have a problem with the bra part. Maybe you can recommend someone to help me. Love your brother donald

[Shelly]

I truly enjoyed your last two entries. Love that your ghostly business is bringing you such interesting and exotic clientele. And all congratulations to Art on his three shows. You two are amazing!
Love,
Shelly

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