Carter: Hero or Superhero?

We interrupt these posts about Galicia for some breaking news.

Using my keen sense of direction and ability to speak in Spanish I have recently rescued two groups of Brits. The first was when I found a lost elderly British couple “on holiday” who were looking for the convent that’s across the street from my house. I gave them directions in English and as we parted ways the woman said, “Thank you, and your English is rather good.” I said, “Thanks, it should be, I’m American.”

Later that day I saved a group of 14 year-old British girls from two prepubescent Spanish boys. I was walking to Melanie’s house by way of Plaza Mayor when two 14 year-old British girls I had met earlier this week (when they asked me for directions) approached me and asked if I would help them. They explained that two Spanish boys were bothering them and their friends but they couldn’t get them to leave or tell them to buzz off in Spanish since they don’t know any Spanish.

I walk up to the two baby-faced Spanish kids who are sitting on their bikes by the girls and I give slap on the back and have the following conversation in Spanish (translated to the English slang equivalent, not literal translation)

Me- Ok boys, leave the girls alone.

14 year-old Spanish Boy- But they’re hot and foreigners love Spanish guys

13 year-old Spanish Boy- Yeah, don’t ruin our game

Me- look dudes, you don’t want anything to do with British girls, they aren’t worth the effort

14- They keep their legs closed?

Me- Hahaha, you know where it’s at. But yeah, British girls aren’t easy.

13- But that blonde has some great melons.

Me- Guys, I’m sorry, maybe try some American girls. They’re worth the effort.

14- Better at f****ing or easier?

Me- I’ll let you figure that out on your own.

14- Where can we find American girls? Can you introduce us to some of your friends?

Me- Head over to *random bar* that’s a big American hang out, and no, I’m not introducing you to my friends.

13- Wait, are you their (the Brits) teacher?

Me- Nah, I’m an American, English-speakers stick together

14- Aha! They’re your (the closest English equivalent is a bad word, but it rhymes with “those”)

Me- Yeah, so it’s time for you to peace out and leave us alone.

13- You must have a lot of game

Me- It’s the blue hair. See ya guys around

They then leave and the British girls ask me to explain what just happened since none of them speak any Spanish. After laughing a bit I told them what I said and they thanked me profusely. They then asked if I wanted to come to their Salsa class with them. I said no and continued my way to Melanie’s house.

Just another day in the life.

Comments

[Allison]

Thank you, Carter, for helping to perpetuate the stereotype that American women abroad must deal with on a daily basis. Great job. :-P

(Really, it was nice of you to help out the British girls...but maybe next time you could do it without objectifying a specific gender/nationality? Haha.)

[austin]

I love that you are hanging out with 14 year-old girls

[Heather]

Yikes... not sure I agree with your methods. Actually, I'm sure that I do not agree with your methods. Glad that you helped them, but acting like they are your sluts is not exactly nice. Is there not a way to just tell the guys that the girls are not interested, will never be interested, and that as an older guy (maybe even their teacher) you are looking out for the girls and want those guys to hit the road. Because you're an intimidating fellow with your blue hair... and then you don't have to treat women like objects. Problem solved.

[Florence Shay]

So Funny. You did exactly the right thing. You knew who you were dealing with, and the only answers that would be effective with them.
By the way you should have gone to the Salsa class. It wouldn't hurt to learn Spanish cooking. I love Salsa and chips.
Love,
Grandma

[marc]

carter, have you ever seen "Keeping the Faith" w/ ben affleck and ed norton. This reminded me of a scene in which norton, whose character is a priest, takes a confession from a young spanish speaking kid about how he lusted after some older american blonde, also talking about her 'melons'.